These last three months of Grandma’s life, I had the blessing of spending much time with her almost everyday at some points. As custom, we would normally start our visits with me (or by mom or dad if they were there too) with teasing Aunt Kate and Grandma about their Soap Operas or “Love Shows,” or by making sure she had gotten the mail out of her mailbox, making sure the flower bed (she took great joy in) was watered, seeing if she needed her daily run to Dairy Queen for a milkshake, or a quick trip to Kroger for the weekly grocery run.
Thankfully, this summer’s memories of her seem to be frozen in my mind just as if it was happening right now. These last days seem to be the most sincere and beautiful times, where I truly started seeing my grandmother, not just as my “Grandma who is good at making pumpkin and whoopies pies,” but as a loving and genuine woman, who once was as young as I, who had many hopes and dreams, who had once fallen in love, who rejoiced with the birth of her first child to the fifth child, who had concerns and fears and who one day who would experience death; just like me or any other woman.
These past few weeks, I had noticed that grandma was always watching a preacher or listening to gospel songs on the television. She seemed to be talking with me more about faith and one day I had paid attention to a small quote on her refrigerator (stained from the wear and tear of years of being in a kitchen of an avid baker), stating “God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change… the Courage to change the things I can… and the Wisdom to know the difference.”
I had told her how much I liked that quote and I think sometime in that next week when I had returned to see her, she gave me a book mark with that very same quote on it, telling me she remembered how much I liked it and she wanted me to have it.
When thinking about how I wanted to honor grandma today, in witnessing to her life, I wanted to reflect on how grandma lived these three particular virtues in her own life:
Serenity: Mildred always seemed to have a certain calmness about her; a peacefulness that seemed to often times be contagious. So much so sometimes she could convince me to stop working on my homework to take a very long lunch break at Bob Evans and then a drive around town. She always took her time with things, weather it was a chore, eating her food, or walking down the lane. She always encouraged me to stop worrying and to enjoy just “being” and especially “being” with the one I was with.
Courage: Mildred experienced the post depression era, World War II and other wars and economic difficulties throughout her life, but most importantly, she experienced the loss of her parents, siblings and her beloved husband (who for almost seven years, she did not go a day without being with him at the nursing home and she has been without him by her side for almost 12 years). However, she never seemed to fear what the next day would hold. Putting aside the courage my loving parents have shown me in their own lives, my grandmother was the other example who showed me throughout my life and particularly, in my first year of high school, what it meant to be courageous. I was with her and my dad when she was diagnosed with cancer. I remember spending the night with her on her first few nights after she had received her first chemo-therapy. I saw her fight for her life in those days and then again more recently- just one week ago. I had to use the courage she had taught me (when I would unknowingly be the last person to be with her during her last minutes in her cozy apartment).
Wisdom:
They say wisdom comes with age and grandma was a true reflection of this.
Whether it was by her always telling me to eat more sweets, because they were good for me, or through her telling me I never get enough sleep, when she would call me every night to make sure I was in bed. Or, always waiting until noon to call me, because she was afraid to wake me up. Her wisdom always moved into kindness and selflessness.
She was always trying to be the diplomat, she constantly made sure to always focus everything on the life of the family; spending time together, especially over a meal or a gathering of some sort and making sure there was some sort of communication between her and I while I was away at school… through phone calls, singing/musical cards of love and encouragement and through her hand written letters; my favorite.
I do not how long it will take me to comprehend that I have lost my grandmother, who knew me in a different way than anyone else knew me and loved me like no one else will love me… because there is no love like a grandmother’s love.
That cute face, sweet smile, and loving arms will always be a memory so ingrained in me that will remind me of the love she shared with me and others so selflessly.
When thinking back at the nights, when I would drive away from her apartment, we started a ritual of me blinking my head lights, as I would drive way to say good bye, and her turning the porch light on and off /on and off, as I would drive away, as her good-bye… and I could see in my rear view mirror that she would stand there and watch me until she couldn’t see me anymore and wave.
So, as I stand hear to say good-bye to my grandma, a part of my heart and life, I can’t help picture her standing at her front door waving to me. But I know this is not good-bye for always, I rejoice in the hope that I will one day spend Eternal Life with her in Heaven.
Eternal Rest Grant Unto Her Oh Lord And May Perpetual Light Shine Upon Her. May She Rest In Peace.
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